Guilty Survivor
by I'm a Nerd and Proud
Summary: After a month in LA, Mark and Nina must return home to Seattle with Ethan in tow. Their departure from Seattle was a welcomed gift, but Nina feels EXTREMELY guilty that she survived the shooting and others did not. (Sequel to "Surprise, Surprise!" Follows season 7 of Grey's Anatomy!)


**Guilty Survivor**

 **Summary: After a month in LA, Mark and Nina must return home to Seattle with Ethan in tow. Their departure from Seattle was a welcomed gift, but Nina feels EXTREMELY guilty that she survived the shooting and others did not. (Sequel to "Surprise, Surprise!" Follows season 7 of Grey's Anatomy!)**

 **Disclaimer: I still don't own Grey's Anatomy and I don't think I ever will. If I did, wouldn't I have had Nina on the show and Mark survive the plane crash? Anyway, enjoy! If you haven't read "Hidden Truths" or "Surprise, Surprise!" I would highly suggest that you do as some things won't make sense.**

Chapter One: With You I'm Born Again

 _Every cell in the human body regenerates on average, every 7 years. Like snakes, in our own way, we shed our skin. Biologically, we are brand, new people. We may look the same, we probably do, but change isn't visible...not in most of us, but we all change, completely, forever._ -Meredith Grey, 2010

"Maaark! My jeans won't zip up!"

Only minutes ago, Mark had been able to slip away for a short moment of peace to take a piss and then shower, knowing that he was expected at the hospital in less than three hours; he had hoped that his wife would be fine for him to sneak away for just a few minutes, but alas, the struggles of pregnancy were proving to be a worthy foe. He sighed as he reached for the towel on the counter in the bathroom, soap bubbles in his hair, while he stepped out of the shower, leaving it running, hoping that it'd only be a few moments before he could return to the warm shower.

The on-suite bathroom door opened as Mark poked his head out from in the bathroom, his blue eyes zeroing in on Nina struggling on the bed, laying on her back, and tears flowing down her cheeks. Nina's eyes found Mark's and her saddened green eyes turned to rage as she struggled to sit up, placing a hand on her large belly. "This is YOUR fault!" She cried out in annoyance, pointing to her unzipped pants and the tears started back up as her eyes went to her crotch. "I'm so _fat_!" Nina sobbed loudly, ruining the makeup she had spent the last ten minutes doing.

Knowing that his shower was put on hold, Mark cautiously made his way across the room and to their King size bed. "Nina, you're not _fat_. You're pregnant with our baby girls."

"This are pregnancy pants Mark! They're made for women who are thirty weeks pregnant! _I'm twenty-two_ _weeks_!" Nina wailed, bringing her hand to her face to cover her eyes. Mood swings such as this had been happening more regularly as Nina edged closer to her twenty-five-week mark, and it had only heightened the closer they got to returning to Seattle.

Mark wrapped her in his arms and she laid her head on his damp shoulder, tears flowing down her cheeks. "Babe, you're not fat. You're pregnant with twins. This just means that they are both strong and healthy." Mark placed a hand on her stomach. "Why don't you wear that dress you're so fond of?" He offered.

"Because I've worn it four times this week!" Nina sniffled, slowly calming down from her mood swing but the thought of re-wearing the same dress again for the fifth time this week caused her to cry again.

 _Back to the drawing board_. Mark thought with a heavy heart. "Nobody cares what you wear to the hospital, you'll be wearing scrubs once we're there anyway."

This caused a whole other tantrum as Nina wailed about her being so 'fat' that all she could wear were sweat pants and dresses three sizes too big. Knowing that he would need to let his wife cry it out, Mark kissed her head and returned to the shower, feeling the suds drip down his back. He rinsed out his hair and then quickly washed his body, wondering how his life had changed. Nina and Ethan were his world, but he was beginning to wonder why he had wanted a baby so badly. It was putting a strain on Nina's and Mark's relationship _and_ they were having two babies in eighteen weeks. They were passed the halfway point.

When he exited the bathroom, Nina was nowhere in sight, and the jeans she had been trying to put on were discarded on the floor. He spotted a bra on the floor as well and knew that there was a very good chance his wife was going braless today for work. Mark didn't know how many times he had listened to Nina complain about her nipples hurting because the fabric of the bra just didn't feel right. He had offered to buy her new ones but this had sent her into a fit about why women didn't _have_ to wear bras everywhere. He was all for freeing the nipple – especially because his wife's breasts were _amazing_ – but he didn't know how many rants he had sat through because he had opened his mouth and said the wrong thing.

Mark got dressed into his dark jeans, a blue button up, and some comfortable running shoes that he wore to the hospital. He picked up the discarded clothing and put them in the basket, before heading downstairs for something quick for breakfast. Instead, he found Nina crying over spilt milk and Ethan looking bewildered, eyes widened and hands gripping onto an apple. Even Ethan had been witnessed to Nina's hormones a few times.

Ethan turned to Mark, "Why is mom crying over spilt milk?" After being teased about it at school, Ethan had dropped calling Mark and Nina "mommy" and "daddy". This sent Nina into another fit of tears as she tried cleaning up the milk.

"Mommy's just going through a tough time," Mark answered as he moved forward and started helping Nina clean up. "Are you packing your lunch?"

"Yes dad." Ethan answered in that monotone voice kids often used when referring to their parents. He put his apple into his lunchbox and reached for the yogurt tube. Mark shooed Nina away and she, in turn, grabbed the cereal she had been trying to put together for Ethan. "You didn't have to mom…"

Mark winced at the fallen expression on his wife's face. Ethan noticed too and took the cereal, thanking his mom and moved to take a seat at the counter. Ethan didn't comment that his mom had given him Mark's cereal instead of Ethan's.

Mark looked at the clock and cursed softly. "You best hurry up sport, we'll be leaving in ten minutes." Mark said gently, earning a nod from Ethan who began to shovel food into his mouth.

Nina, dressed in a pair of Mark's sweat pants and a hoodie that she had stolen long before their second marriage, turned to eat the food that had been placed in front of her while Mark finished cleaning the spilt milk. After eating, Ethan rushed back to his room to finish getting ready. Mark made Nina her 'green goo' as she liked to call it, but it was basically a lot of veggies in a smoothie that Mark made to help the babies, and he handed it to her before he moved over to finish packing Ethan's lunch. All that was left was his ham-and-cheese sandwich and a juice box.

"Does Ethan hate me?" Nina found herself quietly asking, scrunching up her nose at the sight of the infamous 'green goo'.

Mark shook his head, having answered this question many times over the past few weeks; Nina had become more insecure about both her body and those around her. He finished making the sandwich and placed it in Ethan's lunchbox. He turned to look at his wife, who was pushing her food around on her bowl. "Nina, Ethan doesn't hate you. Why would he hate you? You're his mother. He loves you to the moon and back."

Nina sighed as she stared down at her cereal, and then she looked up at Mark with such sad eyes. "I keep failing him… don't I? I split his mi- "

"Honey, Ethan doesn't care about split milk." Mark stepped over to his wife and took her into his arms, placing a kiss on her cheek. "Now, finish eating and no more crazy talk. We're going to be late soon."

With a sigh, Nina turned back to her cereal and forced it down, even though she just wanted to curl up beside Mark and have him hold her, rub her back… give her love. She didn't want to return to work yet.

~x~

Upon arrival to the staff meeting, Nina felt her hands begin to get clammy and she wanted nothing more than to hide in the OR already, but she was forced to this meeting with the rest of the attendings, residents, and interns. Mark, thankfully, was beside her and giving her support. Teddy arrived and smiled in greeting at Mark and Nina. "Hey, when did you guys get back?" Even though Nina was still very pissed at Teddy for sleeping with Mark, she wanted to turn over a new leaf. Mark and Nina _hadn't_ been together when Teddy and Mark had sex, and Nina felt that Teddy deserved an apology.

"Yesterday," Mark replied, since Nina seemed off in her own little world, something she often did. "Addie adored spending time with Ethan, and we couldn't leave when they were having so much fun."

It went unsaid, but the other reason was because Nina wasn't ready to be back in Seattle. Richard spotted Mark and Nina standing and talking to Teddy, so he wandered over to greet the couple. "Welcome back. Nice trip, yes? Did you both get cleared for surgery?" Richard asked.

"The trip was amazing, but what do you mean 'cleared for surgery'?" Mark asked, as Nina was still drifting. He checked up on his wife, seeing as Mark had been woken up every few hours during the night because of nightmares or the girls kicking too hard.

Richard looked a little confused that Mark and Nina had no idea what it meant, when Derek Shepherd appeared. Mark turned to look at his and Nina's best friend, and they both wondered how he was doing. Nina had felt terrible after running away, especially when Derek was recovering and she had been his surgeon, but Derek had reassured them both that he supposed their decision. It had been good for them to go to LA…and seeing Addie had been good as well.

Mark took hold of Nina's hand, sending his wife a small smile as she watched Derek closely. She moved closer to Mark, and he placed his other hand on her stomach, as if reassuring her in another way that he was there and he wasn't going anywhere. Nina had made sure to call Derek after finding out about the twins, to ask him if he was willing to be both of their Godfathers. Derek had agreed, of course, and Nina was ecstatic. They had decided to ask Callie to be their Godmother as well.

"I… I quit." Nina hadn't been following much of Derek's speech, but she caught the end. She looked up at Mark with a stunned expression as he rushed off with Kepner to go into surgery.

"What just happened?" Nina found herself asking Mark.

"He just quit!" Miranda Bailey laughed.

Nina looked up at Mark who shrugged his shoulders.

~x~

Whilst staring out the window, hand on her baby bump, Nina found herself in a meeting with the therapist, Doctor Andrew Perkins. She stared out the window, hearing Doctor Perkins pour some water, as she felt Loretta and Ashlie kicking up a storm inside of her.

"On the, uh, day of the shooting, I understand that you had a particularly difficult day."

Nina turned to look at the man – he made her think of Mark with his dashing good looks – and she simply raised an eyebrow, continuing to rub her belly. "On the day that I found out I was pregnant with my son, I caught my husband cheating on me with my sister." Nina began, feeling her hands tremble but she stayed strong. _Just because we didn't work out then, doesn't mean we won't work out now. Mark loves you and you love Mark._ She told herself. "Now that, was a particularly difficult day. At the end of that day, I walked away and made a life for myself and for my son."

Nina could feel her heart begin to snap in two and she ran a hand over her baby bump. "But at the end of _that_ day, I operated on my best friend's heart and had my babies threatened." She fought with her hormones and emotions, but they took over and tears filled her big green eyes. She wiped her eyes though, trying to pull herself together. "It was the worst day of my life." She was taken back into a memory.

" _Come on Ethan, we need to go. Please pack up your clothes." Nina was struggling with her own suit case, her eyes wild and her heart thumping loudly in her chest. After being released from the hospital – the doctors said that she was clean and Ashlie was fine – but Nina needed to get out of Seattle. She needed space. She needed Addison to tell her that Ashlie was fine._

" _But mom, I have a test this Friday!" Ethan complained._

 _Nina took in a sharp breath, looking over at her pouting son. "Ethan, go pack your clothes. If you don't, we'll still be leaving. You just won't have clothes." Nina threatened._

 _He stomped his foot but went to do what his mother said. Mark came back into the house, the one they had recently moved into, and saw his wife's terrified expression. "Nina, shh… it's going to be okay." Mark kissed her cheek._

" _What if it isn't? What if Ashlie dies because I couldn't walk away from Derek?" Nina's eyes filled with tears as she gazed up at her husband. "I can't lose Ashlie, Mark. If I do, how are you going to be able to forgive me? I wouldn't forgive me!"_

 _Mark pulled her into his arms and pressed another kiss to her forehead. "Nina Sloan, I love you and if we lost Ashlie, I'd be sad, yes, maybe even mad. We can always have another baby… but there will never be another you or another Derek."_

Nina blinked and tried to swallow back her emotions, as she waddled forward to the chair that was across from Doctor Perkins. She needed to get a hold of herself before she let this get too far.

~x~

Mark had headed to the OR board to clear his schedule for the week so that he could help Derek with his first case back after quitting his job as Chief. That was how he found out that Nina was back full swing as a surgeon, her first surgery that afternoon. He knew that in his heart, Nina wasn't ready to be operating yet, even the thought of operating caused her to get hysterical. So, he stormed into Doctor Perkins' room, where he was talking to Alex Karev.

Mark was pissed off at Alex too because he had heard from Callie, that Alex had walked away from Lexie who had had a mental breakdown, forcing Kian Valentine to step up and force her check into psych. He was pissed at a lot of things, actually. He was even pissed at Nina, because she was so damn needy and he felt like he was going to lose his mind if she started crying over something being spilled again.

"You cleared Nina Sloan for surgery?" Mark demanded to know, his eyes showing his rage.

Andrew Perkins turned to look at Mark with a shocked expression. "Doctor Sloan, I'm – "

"I had to hold her last night because of _night terrors_ because of what happened! She isn't ready to be back in the OR! Even saying the word causes her to freeze up!" Mark yelled. "And you just clear her for surgery? What kind of doctor are you?!"

Nina had been called back by Perkins and had just arrived by the end of Mark's rant. She looked at Perkins who looked completely uncomfortable. She supposed that Mark was ranting about herself. "You can tell him."

Mark turned to look at his wife. Nina looked conflicted but also just tired.

Perkins spoke up, and Mark turned to look at the other man. "She reassures me that the dreams aren't of what happened, but what could have happened. And yes, she has PTSD, you all do, but I can see that she isn't a risk to herself or to others." Perkins explained, though Mark wasn't convinced. "Protocol calls for her to return back to work."

"She is a risk to herself, she wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, she relives the events… Every time she's reminded of what happens, she goes into a dazed like state and she is unresponsive until she starts screaming." Mark tried to explain, his eyes showing how worried he was for his wife.

Nina stepped forward and took hold of his hand, causing her husband to turn in her direction. "Mark, I need to jump back into it. If I… If I don't, I don't think I'll ever return back to myself. And our babies are counting on me."

Mark shook his head, not wanting to risk his wife. "Baby, I'm worried about you…"

Nina shook her head and smiled gently at him. "I'm okay and so are our girls. I'm not jumping back into awesome surgeries like you are, Mark, but I'm starting. I'm starting slow and I'll be moving slow until I'm alright again. Is that okay?"

Mark took Nina into his arms and held her against his chest, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I want to be in the OR with you."

"Whatever you need."

~x~

Later that evening, Nina found herself back in Meredith Grey's house, a glass of apple juice in hand, and helping Ethan pick out some snacks to eat. She, Mark and Ethan had been invited to Cristina's and Owen's wedding. She had watched Mark slither off to talk to Callie, and she supposed that her husband would find his way back to her at some point.

"Do you want orange or apple juice?" Nina asked as she set her glass down.

"Orange please!" Ethan said as he plopped a piece of cheese into his mouth. Ethan was the only child there, but Nina couldn't find a babysitter last minute and Candy (their usual babysitter) had exams this week and was studying.

Nina poured some orange juice into a cup and together, Ethan and Nina went to find a seat. The wedding would be starting soon, but Nina wanted to make sure Ethan was fed and hydrated first, otherwise he'd get cranky.

"Hey," Nina lifted her eyes and found Mark standing there, in his dashing suit, and she smiled. "Did I say that you look beautiful?"

Nina's cheeks reddened. "My stomach is huge." She shook her head, though she continued to smile as she looked down at her large, five and a half months pregnant belly. "But thank you."

Owen approached then and looked nervous. "Mark, would you be my best man? Derek stood me up."

Mark looked unsure, but Nina smiled. "Of course, he will. He looks amazing in a suit." Nina spoke up.

"Funny, Meredith said the same thing." Owen said thoughtfully. "Thank you, Mark, Nina. Nice to see you all here tonight." Owen handed Mark the rings and then left to go wait for his bride.

"I was going to say yes," Mark said turning back to his wife. He was smiling so Nina knew he wasn't mad. "I can speak for myself."

"Come on, Cristina should be here any minute now. Are you finished, Ethan?" Nina asked, turning to her son, who was also in a small tux, to look just like his daddy.

Ethan nodded, "Yes mom."

"Awesome! Let's go!" Nina said, leading the group of three to where they were supposed to go. And well, the wedding was beyond beautiful. Nina couldn't help but shed a few years as she watched her favorite resident get married. Ethan was the unlabeled flower boy.

Maybe things were starting to look up for the doctors of Seattle Grace Mercy West.

~x~

 **Up Next:** _ **Shock to the System**_ : After being pulled into an emergency surgery, Nina must operate without Mark present, with Cristina by her side. They should be fine, right? Except, Cristina experiences a post-traumatic stress disorder episode that triggers Nina.

 **Hey everyone, I know, it's been** _ **so long**_ **since you're read anything Mina (Mark/Nina). But, guess who's back? I wanted to celebrate this week with a chapter, as I'm going to prom tomorrow (yay me!) and I graduate on Thursday. How exciting is that? Anyway, yes, we're into Season 7 now, and drama is insured! I have some ideas of where I want this story to go, but I always take suggestions. ;)**

 **Anyway, please review, let me know your thoughts, and your favorite Mina moment – it can be from** _ **Hidden Truths**_ **, or** _ **Surprise, Surprise!**_ **Or** _ **Guilty Survivor**_ **. Love you all so much!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Nerdy~**


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